My Mantra

So here's something I started doing about a year ago.....I started being Honest!

Before last year I would find myself doing anything to avoid conflict, I would think "that didn't really bother me that much", and "well they didn't mean to hurt me so it's okay". I found myself being a doormat in many of my friendships. When I was younger I would just go along with things even if I didn't agree with them. This didn't make feel good.

Luckily, I married a very strong man 8 years ago who has been teaching me (whether he realizes it or not) how to have a back bone. It's taken me a long time....but I feel like I'm growing closer to having one of my own. I still hate conflict but I am realizing that not all conflict is bad. Shocking I know (most people already know this!).

Now having said that I still think that the majority of people out there choose way too many battles. But I used to not pick any and that's no good either.

By not picking any battles I would just bottle things up and they would eventually come out anyway only they would come out irrationally by that point.

Also by avoiding and bottling, this didn't let people actually get to know the real me. I even had to step back and check myself first these last couple years to make sure I knew who the "real" me was.

Now that I'm filled with this new sense of myself I realize that being honest can help me grow closer relationships. By letting people know how I'm feeling and letting them know if something hurt me I'm finding out that most of the time the problem is that I had been making assumptions and now it's better because I feel like I'm finally being heard. At 30 I've finally found my voice.

Also I'm learning that this actually might help eliminate future conflicts! Amazing! Now that I know how to get my point across I feel like I will not be that doormat anymore. You teach people how they can treat you. And I had taught people that it's okay to walk all over me. Also I was too trusting to those who should not have been trusted. I would only want to see the good.....which isn't always a bad thing....but it was very innocent. And it set me up to be blindsided by people I thought I could trust.

So my mantra lately is this:

-Not all conflict is bad.
-I can actually be closer with people the more honest I am.

This has already helped me because I am able to see more what might be issues in the future and I have addressed them now therefore hopefully avoiding a bigger issue later on.

Not that I want to turn into this big dragon that no one wants to talk to. But I am less worried about saying how I feel. Also I am trying to learn how to think more before I speak. Because it is a two way street.